Rick, 40
I&rsquo;d better contribute something before anyone gets suspicious. &ldquo;Let&rsquo;s sacrifice John!&rdquo; I yell. The Leader retorts that today is community garden day. I know she&rsquo;s testing me. This whole sting will be wrecked if I&rsquo;m outed, so I yell, &ldquo;She&rsquo;s not aligned with the mission! Who wants to kill the Leader?!&rdquo;
&nbsp;
Mary, 25
&ldquo;Me!&rdquo; I shout back. A front-row seat means good data for my dissertation on cult psychology. To maintain the integrity of the study, it&rsquo;s important I don&rsquo;t disrupt regular cult operations. Instead, I chime in, &ldquo;Let&rsquo;s try the Elrod method! It&rsquo;s used in over 65% of cult murders. Or so I&rsquo;ve heard.&rdquo;&nbsp;
&nbsp;
George, 63
If the Leader dies, so does my Times column on the first-ever female cult president. Then again, I want Mary to know I respect the opinions of women, so when she tells me to kill the Leader, I don&rsquo;t question her. I listen.
&nbsp;
The Leader, 45
Don&rsquo;t repeat this, but I only infiltrated the cult years ago to practice making friends. I&rsquo;ve never made an assertive claim aloud, making me an amiable leader. I&rsquo;ll ruin those relationships if I stand up for myself. So, when they&rsquo;re trying to kill me, I let them.&nbsp;&nbsp;

Rick, 40
I’d better contribute something before anyone gets suspicious. “Let’s sacrifice John!” I y...

Chronological Excerpts from the Rochester Cult Massacre Reports

- So I&rsquo;m eating a pint of ice cream a day and chasing it with a rotisserie chicken, but a few weeks in I get the feeling that maybe I&rsquo;m overdoing it.
- Uh huh.
- And I go to my doctor and he says, yeah, I have a few weeks to live.
- Oh, man.
- I reread the script, too, and I just noticed it doesn&rsquo;t even say my character is fat. I think I saw a fat person the day I got the script and I was thinking about them.
- Yeah, I was about to say.
- Anyway, I did the math and I think I can finish shooting my role before I die, which you know&hellip;
- Yes of course let&rsquo;s get moving. Right away. Voiceover booth&rsquo;s this way.
- All righty.

- So I’m eating a pint of ice cream a day and chasing it with a rotisserie chicken, but a few weeks ...

Actor Who Got Really Fat for a Movie

John: I got the money right here. Let&rsquo;s make this quick.
Dealer: Say&hellip; aren&rsquo;t you John Qui&ntilde;ones?&nbsp;
John: Oh God&mdash;look, I&rsquo;m off the clock, I promise this isn&rsquo;t for the show&mdash;
Dealer: Oh, of course. There are no cameras around, and it would be unreasonable to assume everything you do in your day-to-day life is for your TV show. Here&rsquo;s the drugs.
John: Okay, thank you for the drugs.&nbsp;
Dealer: No, thank you!

John: I got the money right here. Let’s make this quick.
Dealer: Say… aren’t you John Quiñones? 
J...

John Quiñones, Host of the Hidden Camera Program What Would You Do?, Attempts To Buy Drugs on the Street

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&mdash; &nbsp;How was your weekend?
&mdash; &nbsp;I can&rsquo;t tell you about things I did in the past.
&mdash; &nbsp;Wait why?
&mdash; &nbsp;If we talk about actions in the past then the&nbsp;dialogue seems stale.
&mdash; &nbsp;Sorry, I didn&rsquo;t know.
&mdash; &nbsp;It&rsquo;s alright.
&mdash; &nbsp;How about those hedge-trimmers you&rsquo;re&nbsp;working with? I hear the series 9000 is pretty&nbsp;advanced.
&mdash; &nbsp;What? No that&rsquo;s even worse. If we mention&nbsp;what I&rsquo;m doing in the present then we should&rsquo;ve just had this whole conversation in prose.
&mdash; &nbsp;Well then what can we talk about?
&mdash; &nbsp;I&rsquo;m not sure. I think it&rsquo;s supposed to be&nbsp;a contextual thing, where the characters involved are in a bit of a sticky / awkward situation.
&mdash; &nbsp;Kinda like this?
&mdash; &nbsp;No this is too meta. It would come across as&nbsp;overdeveloped.
&mdash; ...And I think most people would agree that ellipses are a little overused.
&mdash; &nbsp;I think I&rsquo;ll just leave you alone.
&mdash; &nbsp;Okay. See you around. [Steps back to admire&nbsp;the completed hedge-sculpture: a hyper-realistic depiction of two people engaged in a dialogue that uses complex action lines as a crutch.]
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—  How was your weekend?
—  I can’t tell you about things I did in the past.
—  Wait why?
—...

Maria Carpenter.css-1xlpnei{margin:0px -15px 0px 6px;width:11px;vertical-align:-14px;}

Maria Carpenter