Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019
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What’s New
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
Winter 2024
Imaginary Friends #
Spring 2024
This issue is not real, but merely a figment of your imagination...
Check it Out
Crimson Parody
Spring ’25
The Lampoon's Spring 2025 parody of the Harvard Crimson
The Latest
Meeting My Biological Dad On Slither.io
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by LKN '25
“I’m ready,” I said, taking a deep breath. Mom and Daniel gave me a big hug. “You’re more than ready, champ...
Post-Modern Family
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by KMB '26
Mr. Parker marries Esmeralda, a Colombian bombshell 20 years his senior with...
Paranoia
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by CYL '26
Kevin: Umm, I guess I would have to say Amy...
Nazareth Carpentry FAQ
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by HTM '26
IF JESUS IS A MIRACLE WORKER, THEN WHY IS MY PROJECT TAKING SO LONG...
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by HRF '25
Oh sorry, were you in line? I have fetal alcohol syndrome so I get to purchase my alcohol first...
Waking Up From A Coma
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by AWE '27
Hey Bruce, how’d you sleep? I hope it was good, because we have a lot to discuss now that you’re awake. Remember Jibbly from our wedding...
Quick Update
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by RB '26
To my dear patients it goes without saying that I will not be taking cancer advice from anyone with cancer...
A Very Special Strealer
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by JRC '27
The Red Sox are leading the Yankees in a 2-1 nail-biter going into the ninth inning. Aaron Judge steps up to bat, and—hang on, folks—he’s been shoved out of the way by a buck naked streaker...
Method Actors Anonymous
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by AGDP '26
To study for a role as a troubled alcoholic, Leonardo DiCaprio attended several real Alcoholics Anonymous meetings...
WWII Telegram
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by AWE '27
Shortly before the end of WWII, Hitler sent a last ditch telegram to the President of Mexico asking him to join the Nazi cause...
Sisyphus
Imaginary Friends #
• by DKN ’27
I’m almost identical to Sisyphus, except...
What's Missing
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by JRC '27
I don’t have any genitals, which has made it very hard to make friends in school...
Deep Cuts
Seven Deadly Gourds
Nantucket Sleighride #
• by MAG '21-'22
The Orange Gourd: This one will kill you 100%. The Ghost Pepper: This one is less pungent, still ...
Tom and Jerry Spec Script
Symphonia Fantastica #
• by HJH '19
Tom is strolling along the railroad tracks, whistling a happy tune. Jerry walks parallel to Tom on t...
Missy Manners
Classics #
• by ghost
Okay, so you’re in the cafeteria. They’re serving peas. The boy across from you is throwing peas lik...
Lover in the Night Comix
The Quixotic #
• by AMC '23
Femme Fatale
For Your Consideration #
• by VIN '21-'22
She walks into the room and grabs my attention. Or maybe she grabs my hand. I’m shaking now. No, we’...
Visit California
Lampy Sells Out #
• by EAT '24
Relax
Last Ditch Effort #
• by MJS '19
Welcome to my zen meditation studio, kemosabe. Now get those clothes off and get on the table, the s...
TV Show Taglines
Nantucket Sleighride #
• by ZDG '20
-Babies vs. Cars: Will the underdog keep losing? -A car? Versus a baby? -This baby specifically do...
Recovery Clinic
The Mental Health Issue #
• by YMC '21-'22
My parents decided to send me to the public Bulimia Recovery Clinic over in Toad Suck, Arkansas the ...
Squigley
Cool #
• by GPCP '22
Carl Squigley always had his nose buried in a book, which was buried in a still-flushing toilet. He ...
Car Manual
Mutually Assured Destruction #
• by GPCP '22
Thank you for purchasing the 3022 Ford HellMaker. We here at Ford believe that even though the natur...
Heaven
Upside Up #
• by CLC '22-'23
– And the last thing is that the Build-A-Bear is closed Sundays, so you’ll want to plan around that....
Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019
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