In Game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals, Michael Jordan put on one of the most legendary performances
in basketball history while suffering flu-like symptoms. He played so well, in fact, that he soon began to
intentionally seek out other illnesses in hopes of improving his game.

Announcer: And there’s a classic taunt from Jordan, sticking his tongue out as he slams it home!
Co-Announcer: He’s really letting his opponents have it. Wagging that tongue right at them!
Announcer: Oh my. Is he trying to... lick them?
Co-Announcer: They’re pushing him away—but he just goes for the floor. God. So vigorous.
Announcer: Can we cut to commercial?

Agent: I’m sorry, Mike. There just aren’t any more Make-A-Wish kids who’ve asked to see you. You’ve visited
them all.
Michael Jordan: Then I’ll visit them again! Especially the contagious ones!
Agent: That’s not how it works. You’re only allowed to visit them once.
Michael Jordan: How about you? How are you feeling? Your voice sounds a little scratchy.
Agent: C’mon, let’s talk about this later. Hey, you ever read that script for Space Jam: Baseball?
Michael Jordan: Cough on me!

Interviewer: You possess a relentless drive to be the best. What’s your advice to all those out there who want
to “be like Mike?”
Michael Jordan: You gotta be willing to get your hands dirty. Put them in weird places. Toilets. Dirt. Never
wash them, and touch your eyes often.
Interviewer: I—I meant more in a work-ethic sense.
Michael Jordan: Efficiency is also key. I eat all my meals at Chuck-E-Cheese. That
kills two birds with one stone, since it maximizes your risk of both food poisoning and
diabetes.

Wife: Alright, honeybun—where does my 5-time NBA champion want to go for
vacation?
Michael Jordan: The Democratic Republic of the Congo.
Haut-Katanga province.
Wife: That sounds, uh... lovely. They just opened a Sandals
resort there, didn’t they?
Michael Jordan: I would be surprised. It’s a
hotbed for malaria.
Wife: Oh.
Michael Jordan: Even if the malaria doesn’t take,
they have a pretty big cholera problem, too.

Michael Jordan: So! Magic... weird question—
Magic Johnson: Don’t even think about it.